late night anxiety

I’m laying in bed in this empty hotel room counting down the hours left until I have to wake up (three at the moment). Although I’m wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by my usual fort of pillows, and shrouded by darkness, I feel restless. My mind is alert, my heart is racing. I’m thinking of the two tests this week, my period cramps ailing me, how I’m going to navigate being a flight attendant while still managing my life, the list goes on. I tried scrolling through Instagram, watching relaxing YouTube videos, drinking water, and laying with my eyes closed, all to no avail. Why does the mind plague you with worries when all your body needs is rest? The worst part of sleepless nights is that the anxiety is cyclical. First, the anxiety keeps me from sleeping, then I’m feeling more anxious because I know this lack of sleep will negatively impact me tomorrow, then I have additional anxiety added to the original anxiety that ruined my possibility of sleep in the first place. And so it goes. This positive feedback loop is infuriating, leaving me helplessly wishing for sleep to take me into its warm embrace. T minus two and a half hours until morning. Wish me luck, friends.